‘Pioneering' plan to give Bushmen armbands as tourist lodge opens

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In a major announcement, Botswana’s government today responded to critics of its ‘immoral policy’ of allowing safari lodges with swimming pools in the Kalahari while the Bushmen who live there are denied access to water.

Speaking at Wilderness Safari’s new tourist lodge inside the Central Kalahari Game Reserve, Bushmen Welfare Minister Letthem Drinkbeer announced the launch of a scheme to give all Bushmen armbands ‘in case they fall in the pool whilst trying to drink it’.

Mr Drinkbeer said, ‘This scheme shows that we have the welfare of the Bushmen very much in mind. To those who think for some reason that opening lodges for tourists in the Kalahari while we are banning the Bushmen from accessing their water borehole is immoral, I say, ‘would you prefer your tourists sweaty?’ Of course they must be allowed to refresh themselves in a pool at the end of a hard day’s safari.

‘But we naturally don’t want any thirsty Bushmen who may be trying to sneak in there to fall in and drown, so our new policy will ensure that they have the necessary armbands, which they should wear at all times. And as they should have realized by now, it will be much better for them to go back to the relocation camps, where there is no shortage of home-brew and other alcoholic beverages to quench their thirst, rather than persisting in living on their ‘ancestral land’ in the Kalahari.’

The President’s press secretary Jeff Ramsay said, ‘I hope all those foreigners who say they care about the Bushmen will now shut up. And if we see any Bushman wandering around without their armbands on, we’ll arrest them’.

Survival Director Stephen Corry said today, ‘With this announcement Botswana’s government has shown its accustomed generosity of spirit towards the country’s first inhabitants. The Bushmen may be dying of thirst, but at least there is now no danger of them drowning.’